A recent break from work
I came downstairs from my office to grab a bite (or two) of lunch and discovered Chris and two of our young ones hangin’ out in the kitchen with their Gram while they enjoyed their own lunch.
Nothing very unusual about this vignette. And having these moments during my workday is a treasure.
After the happy greetings and the inevitable teasing from the Pappy (usually involving mock attempts to steal their food), I settled onto the stool at the island to enjoy some nourishment of my own (relational and nutritional).
But something struck me this time. Something that’s been part of our normal around here, but which stood out this time in a striking way for some reason.
The baby girl was completely relaxed and at ease
Again, that’s not that unusual. She’s generally a happy little one (aside from the normal “feed me/change me/put me to bed” moments1). But for some reason, the relaxed posture (leaning back in the highchair while watching big bubba and navigating bites from tray to mouth) seemed, well, extra relaxed and calm and at ease and trusting.
The little one clearly felt safe – even if she wasn’t aware of that as a category, and even though that’s not in her vocabulary yet.
Meanwhile, in an adjacent literary context…
Maybe this brief glimpse of utterly contented and happy calm stood out because I’d just recently finished a novel about some lives in circumstances far from safety and calm: intersecting generations of three girls maturing into grown women amidst brokenness and heartache from war, neglect, privation and separation (and more).2
These girls (and, later in the narrative flow, women) did experience some restoration and even redemption—largely through their cross-generational relationships. But some really tough times came first. And rebuilding the calm and safety of trust took time, because it had been damaged along the way.
For the happy little one in the highchair, she’s not yet experienced much of that brokenness that’s part of the human condition.3
So what?
Lest you suspect I’ve just penned this as an excuse to talk about grandkids (not that doing so would be a bad thing, right?), let’s talk about implications for our leadership.
Several thoughts:
- The fruit flowing from a trust environment is powerful. Corollary: when trust is broken or even simply fragile, the effects on our people and on the quality and extent of their contribution are profound.
- We, as bosses, aren’t the only factors making our folks feel safe or not. But we are very much prominent factors in that category. We’ve all heard the truism about job turnover: people generally leave because of their boss, not their job. And there’s lots of truth there. Am I the boss who impairs fruitfulness because I engender fear? Or am I able to lead my folks in ways that bring out the best they have to contribute?
- Safety doesn’t mean we treat them like snowflakes. We honor and value them as individuals, which means treating them with respect—which includes having appropriately high expectations for their contribution. And that means we let them know when they miss the mark, when they need to step up their game—and when they did great.
- Being calm and relaxed doesn’t necessarily mean low output. Toddlers like our little one and her big brother on their lunch break are some of the most active beings among the species. (Have you tried keeping up with one or several lately??) Similarly, we and our teams get lots more done when we aren’t anxious, glancing over our shoulders, probing for internal landmines, waiting for the next berating from the boss. As individuals, flow happens in a place of calm and focus. As teams, communication and collaboration flourish when we trust each other.
What about when conflict is in the air?
No workplace ever feels 100% calm 100% of the time. Stuff happens. People get offended. People offend. You’ve been in both categories over time; so have I.
So what do we do when, say, we need to have a challenging conversation in a fraught context?
First, we commit to actually having that conversation. It’s much too easy to put it off, to hope things will get better. If trust is broken or if one of you is feeling more than temporarily off kilter, passivity and delay won’t help. Have the conversation!
And when you do, assume positive intent, and make sure your tone, words, attitude, and countenance are 100% respectful while you seek to communicate in a way that is 100% truthful. That’s a tough combination, a high bar – but it’s achievable, and it’s essential for working things out well.
Crucial Conversations is a resource devoted to this topic, as the subtitle makes clear: “Tools for talking when stakes are high.”4 Spend some time getting familiar with this book.5 And here are some relevant highlights from the chapter entitled “Make It Safe”:
- “Creating safety doesn’t resolve all our issues; it simply creates the space to give dialogue a chance.”6
- “Commit to seek mutual purpose. Agree to agree. Commit to stay in the conversation until we invent a solution that serves a purpose we both share.”7
- “In order for people to feel safe with you, they need to know two things about your intent. They need to know that: you care about their concerns (mutual purpose); you care about them (mutual respect).”8
It’s something to think about
No, I didn’t bring up the little one because leading people sometimes feels like herding toddlers – though it does. Nor did I choose this theme simply to multi-task by blending work with thinking about family.
The image of the completely relaxed and contented young one was arresting. And the underlying principles that created that moment have implications for our leadership. Let’s lead in ways that foster similarly safe places for our people. Even if they aren’t nearly as cute as my young ones.
Eric R. Alexander
May 2026
No A.I was employed (or harmed) in the creation of this content.
© 2026, Six Arrows Consulting. All rights reserved.
1 And aside from nearly three hours in the middle of the night during a recent sleep over with Gram and Pappy when she was very much not a happy camper and clearly wanted her mama and only her mama.
2 Frances Liardet’s We Must Be Brave (G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 2019). Brilliant, powerful, moving. Check it out. Seriously.
3 Thank You, God. And grant her grace and the ability to lean on and into You when she does.
4Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Emily Gregory. (McGraw Hill, 2023).
5 Two others worth digging into on this topic: The Speed of Trust by Stephen M. R. Covey (Free Press, 2018) and The Peacemaker by Ken Sande (Baker Books, 2004).
6 Ibid., 158.
7 Ibid., 148 (compilation from several sentences; the sense is unchanged).
8 Ibid., 135 (minor changes in formatting – converted from bullets – and capitalization).