Obliviousman!

Cue the not-so-superhero soundtrack

Mortal that I am, I have my share of pet peeves. One prominent one raised its head in two settings recently (including one just a few hours ago): people in a public setting oblivious to the traffic patterns around them. This morning, it was the lady at DFW Airport who stopped in the middle of the flow of Thanksgiving travelers in a bustling Terminal A to respond to a text. A full stop. Luggage extending the perimeter of the obstruction. Head down and focused. Oblivious to the effects of her inattention.

A few days ago, it was the lady (also on her phone, I believe) zipping through the parking lot at an angle  to and across the clearly-marked lanes, and not paying attention to other drivers carefully and uprightly navigating in their lanes. Yet another person oblivious to the effects of her inattention.

When I see a male acting this way, I mutter this epithet to myself: “Obliviousman!

Guilty as charged

But a recent conversation with a former coworker tells me I should be muttering that about myself, too.¹

As we reflected about our time working together, this colleague mentioned things that had been going on in the Finance department that I was unaware of. I won’t elaborate so as not to incriminate anyone. But hearing her talk about the kinds of things I was oblivious to got me thinking: Why was I not aware? And what could I have done about it?

Nooks and crannies

Unless I’m a team of one (and then only if I’m exceptionally self-aware), I’ll never be fully attuned to everything going on with my folks and in my area. I can barely keep up with myself, much less the conversations, responsibilities, attitudes, interactions and moods of another dozen-and-a-half folks or more. Too many nooks and crannies exist in which conversations etc. are happening without my knowledge – many good and fruitful; some, apparently, not so much.

I’m confident I’m not the only one who cannot monitor everything going on in the nooks and crannies. And, consequently, lots of unhelpfulness (and worse) goes undetected in our workplaces, such as…

• Broken relationships
• Broken processes
• Broken controls
• Unhealthy interaction habits
• Shirking
• Silo-reinforcing behaviors
• Fraud
• And more.

So what should we do about it?

Several thoughts:

1. Acknowledge the uncomfortable reality that you are sometimes oblivious and that you can (must) do something about it.
2. Don’t overcompensate with equally unhelpful practices the other direction:

• Don’t
• Don’t implement a rigid command-and-control management approach.

3. Pay attention to what is in front of you, easily within your range of perception. Obliviousness to obscure things in nooks and crannies is one thing – and often inescapable. Inattention to what’s going on right around you is inexcusable – whether it’s slowing down foot traffic in the airport or creating hazards in the parking lot or ignoring clear warning signs in the workplace.
4. Periodically perform a spot check of a process you can’t observe full time. Principals trust teachers to teach and manage classrooms well all the time; periodically, they’ll drop in to observe the teacher in action. In the Finance department, I trusted the AP folks to secure invoice approvals and code things to the correct GL accounts; occasionally, I’d inspect a transaction to see how things looked…and to subtly let them know I was (occasionally) looking, and that they could never anticipate when I’d poke my head in for another peek again.
5. If someone alerts you to something that needs attention, be aware that how you respond has consequences for how readily others will do the same in the future. Even if what they bring up is unflattering, thank them (sincerely).
6. When you do become aware of something untoward lurking in the nooks and crannies, take action. Don’t ignore it: clarify the expectations; modify the control; re-train the individual; coach on more respectful interaction practices; and so forth. If necessary, document and prepare for someone’s possible (or immediate) exit from their role or from the company.
7. Finally, relentlessly model, foster, and insist on practices that drive strong performance when no one is watching or can even observe. These practices overlap and interlock, and they include but aren’t limited to the following:

• A strong stewardship mindset (especially the focus on responsibility for what’s been entrusted, and the awareness that my role and responsibilities are not about me)
• Active cultivation of trust (both being 100% trustworthy and extending appropriate trust)
• A commitment to healthy accountability (including setting clear expectations, monitoring performance, and taking action on any gaps; also, work on calibrating the intensity of the monitoring behaviors to reflect the level of trust in the relationship)
• Embracing and strengthening the company’s mission, vision and values (and understanding how your work contributes to bringing them to life)

The stronger the culture of stewardship, trust, accountability and commitment to the company’s deepest aspirations, the more likely you’ll be surrounded by people who will police their own behaviors, and the more likely the nooks and crannies are filled with ethical, efficacious activity. When a culture is thoroughly healthy like this, then those who don’t embrace it and practice it will (a) stand out, and (b) either shape up or self-select out.

It’s something to think about

I wish I could go back and practice more effectively all of these disobliviousness behaviors in each setting where I’ve served as a leader.  But temporal reality being what it is, that ain’t happening – for me or for you. We can steward more effectively and less obliviously going forward. Let’s do that.

Eric R. Alexander

November 2025

No A.I was employed (or harmed) in the creation of this content except for assistance from ChapGPT Pro for the Obliviousman image.

© 2025, Six Arrows Consulting. All rights reserved.

 ¹ I’ve had instances where I realize I can call myself “Obviousman” as well. Just subtract the L and I from this article’s topic and you have another pathology – and a possible topic for another article.