Let’s start with the pram
Per The Random House Dictionary of the English Language (1969, unabridged):
pram, n. Chiefly Brit. Informal. Perambulator (by foreshortening)
perambulator, n. See baby carriage.
baby carriage, a small, four-wheeled carriage for a baby.1 Also called baby buggy.
Is this article about that kind of pram – the kind largely supplanted by what we call “strollers” these days?2
No: for purposes of this article, not that kind of pram, though if we think long and hard enough, we might be able to come up with some connections.
Rather, I’d like to introduce you to the PRAM.
Professional Relationship Assessment Matrix
This PRAM is exactly what it sounds like: a matrix for assessing professional relationships.
In my work coaching executives and other leaders, I regularly find our discussions involve aspects (and often challenges) related to professional relationships. And, unsurprisingly, the joys and challenges and ups and downs of relationships have been a constant in my own professional journey as well. The PRAM is a tool I’ve begun using with folks I’m working with – and we are finding it helpful, especially for identifying relational “hot spots” crying out for attention and action.
The matrix
When I introduce the PRAM to a leader, I ask him or her to develop a list of the key work relationships in their life,3 and then to think about those relationships in two dimensions, along two axes.
- The importance of the relationship for their shared contribution with that other person (rated from low to high): how significant my interaction is with that person for my professional contribution and for their professional contribution. It’s subjective, but usually pretty easy to identify. If, for example, I’m a CFO, then the CEO would almost certainly be at the very high end of the rating scale: the CEO needs a high-performing CFO, and my contribution as CFO is heavily directed and influenced by the CEO. Not much thought required for this step.
- The current state of the relationship. This part of the matrix is not as easy and it requires lots of honest introspection. But it’s where the most important insights and action items come up.
The ratings I’m seeking here range from stressed at the lowest end to strong and collaborative at the upper end. Other adjectives would work as well (ranging from unhealthy, toxic, and broken, to fruitful, trust-filled, and even joyful) but “stressed” and “strong/collaborative” have been effective for conveying the direction I want the introspection to go, and they are also not quite as emotionally charged as some near-synonyms.
Now what?
The names-in-the-quadrants exercise is meaningless unless it delivers insights for action. And I believe each quadrant has its own set of appropriate actions:
- Upper left (strong/ lower importance): be grateful (and maybe express that gratitude) – and don’t screw it up.
- Upper right (strong/higher importance): be very grateful, express that gratitude, don’t screw it up – and build on it. Explore with each of these folks: “How can we take this strong, high collaboration relationship and deliver an even more valuable contribution together?”
- Lower left (stressed/lower importance): monitor (look for signs of further deterioration), work to build trust, and be attentive to opportunities to reconcile, to restore the relationship.
- Lower right (stressed/higher importance): alarm bells should be going off here. Every relationship in this quadrant needs immediate attention. Actively, promptly seek to reconcile and restore the relationship – with urgency.
The two songs
And this is where the two songs come in to join the PRAM.
Taking prompt, urgent action on relationships in the “alarm bell” quadrant involves many things, more than we can enumerate here.4 But two prominent things come to mind.
“Talk to One Another”
In 1981, prolific songwriter, producer and singer Brown Bannister released a song with that title. I love the entire album (also called “Talk to One Another”) and regularly listen to it on vinyl 44 years later.5 And the message of the song is exactly what the title implies: if you have an issue with someone, talk to that person! And that’s possibly the most important and also the hardest thing that needs to happen in a significant relationship that is stressed.
And we almost always need to do it in person. (I’ll not bore you here with the sad story from early in my leadership journey when I attempted to resolve a challenging work situation by swapping long memos with the other party via our respective mail slots in the workroom. Lots of regrets here; a shameful way to treat a colleague.)
Talking to that other person is scary because we don’t know how things will turn out. And there are lots of ways it can go sideways – both in how I handle the conversation and in how the other party does.6 But that’s not a valid reason not to do it; rather, it’s a prod to take it seriously, prepare carefully, and then proceed urgently and humbly.
“It’s Me, It’s Me, O Lord, Standin’ in the Need of Prayer”
Speaking of humility. This beloved Negro spiritual says it just right.
If a professional relationship is in that alarming lower-right quadrant, I bear some (much? maybe all?) of the responsibility for that. I’m convinced that 83% of stressed relationships involve failings by both people involved.7
That means the other party almost certainly bears some responsibility. But I can only change myself. I can only modify my own attitude and words and behaviors. So, for my portion of the problem, however large or small, that portion is still 100% mine – which means it’s very much me, me O Lord. And yes, I’m standin’ in the need of prayer in this situation, and of whatever other assistance (divine and otherwise) is available.
We naturally tend to go to these behaviors promptly: deflecting, justifying, rationalizing, defending. And doing so may reflect truths about the relationship. But they can also blind us to our own share of responsibility (or fault or blame—stronger words, but sometimes accurate).
If something’s broken and I share some responsibility, I need to own up to that. Mea culpa: It’s me. It takes humility to acknowledge that, both to yourself and to the other person involved. And humility demonstrates respect for that other person. And it also demonstrates maturity on your part. That’s important because moving toward restoration in the relationship requires that at least one of you in the conflicted situation is willing to be “the adult,” not a “pram passenger.”
It’s something to think about
We are stewards of our relationships. And stewards do the right things, even when they are the hard things. Alarming situation in a relationship? Do something about that. Even if it’s just baby steps at first. Your relationships are too important to steward poorly, to permit to wither from passivity. Have that conversation. Talk to one another. In humility. Soon.
Eric R. Alexander
November 2025
No A.I was employed (or harmed) in the creation of this content.
© 2025, Six Arrows Consulting. All rights reserved.
1 I find obvious definitions like this hilarious: “a baby carriage is a carriage for babies”; “accountability is the state of being accountable”; etc.
2 And my understanding is these get fancier and more expensive all the time. We’re out of that stage of life at our house, except when the youngest grandkids are around.
3 The boss always makes the list, along with peers and direct reports and possibly others. I ask them to focus on the truly key relationships, the most significant 8-12 perhaps..
4 Actively foster trust (extend trust, demonstrate trustworthiness, rebuild trust when broken); assume positive intent; leave space between stimulus and response; don’t be hypersensitive if someone else is inadvertently insensitive; don’t tolerate or perpetuate gossip; speak with 100% honesty and 100% respect; etc. etc.
5 Bannister worked closely with other artists such as Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith and Stephen Curtis Chapman. Here’s the chorus: “Talk to one another / you’ve got to learn to talk it out. / You’ve got to know exactly what the other’s about. / But when we talk to one another / just like the Father above / you’ve got to learn to say it in love.” For the full song: “Talk to One Another” (YouTube)
6 For helpful resources on having conversations like this, check out wisdom from Jesus in Matthew 5:23-25 and 18:15-17, and from Paul in Ephesians 4:15. See also Crucial Conversations by Joseph Grenny et al (McGraw Hill, 2023; brilliant, very practical); The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande (Baker Books, 2004; also brilliant and very practical); and The Speed of Trust by Stephen M.R. Covey (Free Press, 2018).
7 And I’m 92% certain that fictional statistics lend heft, maybe even gravitas, to assertions like this. Furthermore, I’m 32% certain that I bear zero responsibility for stresses in any of my relationships 63% of the time. (Which means I’m 100% delusional at least 32% of the time.) Yes, this is a strange tangent; but don’t think it means I don’t take seriously the topic we’re discussing.